The Time I Was Diagnosed Bi Polar
I know some people will only read the title and say, “I knew it! She’s way too energetic to be normal!”
It’s okay. Not everyone pays attention to what we present to them in a video. We have cherry pickers everywhere.
So I made this video the other day to express the reason I do not go to doctors or get tested for anything that fits into mental health issues. I am self-aware enough to know that I have issues but not that severe.
I don’t suffer from insomnia, so I will not say I am suffering from it. I have been dealing with insomnia since I was eight years old. I honestly do not remember how that happened but I know that I hated sleeping. I used to stay up under my blanket with a flashlight and read a book. Then when I started reaching the age where I fell in love with music, I would listen to music all night.
I am always curious especially when I am bored, so one day I wanted to find out what kind of insomnia am I dealing with? The symptoms I find online all went back to stress, anxiety, and depression. These are things that I do not have. This is something that I cannot self-diagnose, so I went to check with the professionals.
During the time of my appointment, my husband was deployed, and I was working 10 to 16 hours a day. When the doctor asked me about my daily activities, I can see him crossing off a list. The checklist was familiar. It’s the same lists that I came across while searching for right insomnia I was dealing with.
My response resulted in depression, anxiety, and stress. Again, I do not feel any of it. Then he prescribed Cymbalta for me before they referred me to a psychiatrist. He said I show signs of bipolar disorder.
How he came up with that was surprising to me because there was no way I have it. I do not feel down. I can’t even remember the last time I was ever sad and I definitely do not have suicidal thoughts. I started researching the bipolar disorder, and it is something that I do not relate to it. Also, I am always practical and of a sound mind. According to MayoClinic, here are the symptoms.
Manic and Hypomanic
- Abnormally upbeat, jumpy or wired
- Increased activity, energy or agitation
- An exaggerated sense of well-being and self-confidence (euphoria)
- Decreased need for sleep
- Unusual talkativeness
- Racing thoughts
- Poor decision-making — for example, going on buying sprees, taking sexual risks or making foolish investments
Major Depressive Episode
- Depressed mood, such as feeling sad, empty, hopeless or tearful (in children and teens, depressed mood can appear as irritability)
- Marked loss of interest or feeling no pleasure in all — or almost all — activities
- Significant weight loss when not dieting, weight gain, or decrease or increase in appetite (in children, failure to gain weight, as expected, can be a sign of depression)
- Either insomnia or sleeping too much
- Either restlessness or slowed behavior
- Fatigue or loss of energy
- Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt
- Decreased ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness
- Thinking about, planning or attempting suicide
It is understandable why the assumption of bipolar may be an option because I showcase major mania. the only issue is that I am always in the same mood. I never feel depressed for any decision that I make. So does that mean that I am bipolar or is it something that I have created as a habit for myself?
As for the Cymbalta, I never cashed in on the prescription. I honestly do not want to take medication from someone who may really need it.
I am still on a mission to figure out insomnia that I am plagued with. If you want to follow my journey to figure this out, sign up for the newsletter and subscribe to my YouTube channel for updates.